Des Moines, Iowa — CNN reports that Donald Trump, the tower-dwelling urbanite from New York, has revealed that he is in fact Batman:The Bowman family had driven from the western suburbs to see Trump and his helicopter. Neither David nor Sarah Bowman had resolved to vote for Trump, at least not yet, but they had four little boys, and this chance was too good to miss.
Well that settles it. Effective immediately, we have to stop baneposting about Donald Trump. He isn’t the villain that the media wants us to have. He’s the hero America deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A shitlord.